The wanderer returns
Not to normality but to a life of fun, excitement and adventure. To a life that feeds my soul, waters my creativity and illuminates my heart. A life of passion, thriving over surviving. Swimming instead of sinking. Flying instead of falling. The truth is this light inside of me has always been there, the part of me that knows the way. It knows how to conquer battles instead of enduring them, triumphing through the tears.
Wanderlust, I definitely got this one from my mama :) As my Dad used to say 'Sylvia's never happier than when she's in a departure lounge'. After finishing University I was desperate to travel and see the world. My mum encouraged me to do a TEFL course in Barcelona and that's where it all began. After doing my one month course and then returning to England my mum again encouraged me to follow my instincts and go back. I remember my Dad dropping me off at the airport and after he waved me off and I went to check in my case it split and was over the weight limit... wiping my tears as I wrapped tape around it I knew I was totally alone, but I was ok with it. For me there is nothing quite like striding out solo, exploring a new city on your own, wandering the streets, getting lost, stopping at a coffee shop. Having nobody to answer to.
At one point I was living off 3 euros a day in Barcelona and I was having the time of my life. I remember using my last 20 euros to buy a suitcase and train ticket to Au Pair for a family an hour away. I got 50 euros a week and used to blow it at the weekend heading back to Barcelona to stay with my friends. We'd have Don Simon sangria and 1 euro samosas and noodle soup Sundays. We had such a fun time! So carefree and living in the moment. After Barcelona I got a job teaching in Hong Kong and made some AMAZING memories and lived and worked with some AMAZING girls! We explored, partied, sunbathed, shopped, wandered and weaved a wonderful life... one to think back on now and be in awe that we lived. I travelled around China, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam & Laos... it was a DREAM!
Returning home, ironically I felt lost and swamped with sadness. The freedom, the adventure and endless possibilities had slipped away. Next came Moscow, I lived in the forest and worked for an oligarch family. I saw life there in contrasts, the rich and the poor. The extravagance and minimalism. The family were very kind to me and the experience was extremely enlightening, I was thankful for the opportunity to work for them in Miami too.
Around this time my Dad became very ill, we found out in February 2012 that the cancer was terminal. I left Miami and spent as much time with Dad as possible, we'd go for walks, have long chats in the conservatory. He bought an SLR camera and showed me how to use it, how to get the best pictures, how to compose a beautiful photograph. We asked each other questions we'd never asked before. I was so grateful for that chance. His passing that Juneleft an irreplaceable void in our lives. A beaming smile that could never be replicated, those kind and positive words that flowed so naturally. My Dad was an AMAZING man, he had the biggest heart and the kindest face. He spread positivity wherever he went, and I know that he continues to do so.
Grieving and Healing didn't come easy. The river of tears I tried desperately to contain. The well of emptiness I tried hard to refill. The searching, the questioning why did he have to go? The neglect of self care, the eroding self esteem. The tentatively placed building blocks, the crumbling reality. The lack of direction, the wading through life. What felt like the Soul's eternal dark night. Grappling with survival, depleted, drained, a spirit extinguished.
But the light remained lit, fragile, dim and wavering. It never goes out. The flame became a fire that continually burns bright in my heart. The light it spreads to the fingers and toes, glistens through every strand of your hair, magnifies the pupils and cuts the darkness. Hold on through the times when your light is weak and frail. Feed it what it likes, treat it to the things that it enjoys. Love the light that lies within you!
I give you my HEART! x